These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
