are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
