the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
