i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found puke in my bra..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
