NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
