4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
