Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
