need another drink. this is the easiest way
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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