idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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