someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
