Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
