Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
