you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we're so committed to being not committed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
