According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
