Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
