You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
