VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
