i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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