I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
