im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This baby is an asshole
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
