ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
