I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
