Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
