I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
