k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
