a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
