we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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