I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
