I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
