my mouth tastes like poor choices
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
