If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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