Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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