Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
