I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
