Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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