So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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