I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
