It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
