remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
