the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
