I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
