maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
