Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
