u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
