Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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