Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
