sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
