remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
