He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
