I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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