I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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