she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
