I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
