he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
