apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
